There is nothing more heartbreaking than seeing a married couple throw in the towel. It happens a lot. We’ve all heard the stats – almost 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. 50 percent of families out there have experienced the true cost of divorce! And this cost extends far beyond dollars.
First, let me say that divorce has its place. We are extremely fortunate to live in a time and place that gives us the freedom to leave an unhealthy marriage. But that’s not what this is about.
Today, I’d like to shed some light on the emotional repercussions of divorce. As a relationship therapist and coach to couples, I’ve had the rare glimpse of seeing what goes on behind the scenes with countless couples. I want people to understand that divorce is not a quick fix. You can’t run from a difficult time. It’s important to work through it, hopefully with your partner.
Let it be known that I have the utmost respect for the couples I’ve aided in divorce. It’s incredibly brave and healthy to come to a third party and ask things like, “How do we best tell our children?” How do we handle living arrangements?” How do we communicate about daily tasks during this emotional process?” It’s inspiring to see two people who are no longer in love, love and respect their family unit.
So let’s set aside all the legal fees, splitting of assets, and other things that can end up costing you an arm and a leg. Here are 7 costs of divorce that you won’t hear about from a financial advisor.
The True Cost of Divorce – from a Couples Coach
Cost 1: Loss
The ending of any significant relationship, especially marriage, can feel much like the death of a loved one. While the unit you’ve built is gone, the person you’ve lost is still living and breathing. Divorce seems straightforward on the outside, but it can be emotionally confusing. Processing this grief is a journey.
Cost 2: Missed growth opportunities
We’ve all experienced the growing pains of life – personally, professionally, or spiritually. These moments stretch us in painful ways, but in the end, they’re a necessary evil to get to that next tier in life.
Just as individuals experience growth challenges, so do couples. During this time, it’s important to face the issue together in a healthy setting. The couples who can get through this as a team often end up stronger and even more in love.
Cost 3: Your Children
You never truly know how something will affect a child until it happens. Some children grow up to be well-rounded individuals who feel loved and cared for. Other children might take divorce personally and believe it’s their fault, whether they’re conscious of it or not.
Aside from handling your own emotions during this time, you must also do everything in your power to help your children process this change.
Cost 4: Friends and family
A family doesn’t end at your driveway. Parent in-laws, cousins, extended family and friends will experience the loss of this divorce too.
You’ll have to create new friendship dynamics with your common friends and decide how to move forward with your spouse’s relatives.
Cost 5: Problems are still there
Being intimately involved with someone can bring out the best and the worst in us. So, when there’s a problem in our relationship, there’s usually individual work that needs focus as well.
I’ve seen divorce used as a quick fix to avoid conflict, pain, and frustration. And while it might bring relief in the beginning, those problems don’t go away on their own. One of the primary struggles that people have after separation, for example, is forgiveness. You have to work on yourself – for you and any future relationships.
Cost 6: Loneliness
Loneliness is a big pain point for divorced men and women. Couples go from being a unit to living solo.
Some of these feelings are deep-seated loneliness and some of it is the pain of change. Whether you feel depressed on the holidays or are uncomfortable with a new routine, it’s an adjustment.
Don’t forget the fact that the dating scene has now moved to a digital platform. You might be wondering how in the world do you ask a girl out using an App?
Cost 7: You’ve become a statistic
Statistically, the divorce rate of your next marriage is even higher. This does not have to be your fate, but it’s important to seek help. Do everything in your power to make sure your next relationship is different from your last.
While not all marriages are going to work out, every single one deserves a fair chance. One of the biggest mistakes couples make is trying to work on their relationship by themselves. That’s as good as the blind leading the blind!
You need an unbiased, professional third party to coach your relationship and bring in hope. People invest in personal trainers, life coaches, and swimming lessons every single day. Why not hire a couples coach for the most important relationship in your life?
Learn how you can find this kind of support here.
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